Ceremonial, Tradition or Not?

There are times in life when a little bit of ceremony is appropriate, to mark a change and to give significance to something that has happened. In our lives this is more usually, a birth, a death or a marriage. In the past month, however, we have witnessed the biggest ceremony that some of us will ever have seen, with the coronation of King Charles III in Westminster Abbey – ceremony at its most resplendent – and whatever your background or creed, I think most people would admit it was pretty awesome.

Such a ceremony ties us into our island history, gives us a sense of identity and tradition, and is the visual representation of deeper values and beliefs. It is helped along with formal robes, processions, all the paraphernalia of royalty – the crown, the orb and sceptre, and the sense of occasion is heightened with the choice of music, sublimely sung, and the sound of trumpets, and bells.

There is undoubtedly a ‘spiritual’ aspect to the occasion, but what came across most strongly on the day, was the sense of human frailty at the centre, in the shape of one man, no longer in his prime, who has waited a lifetime to take on this sovereign role, and who with great humility wanted to emphasise that his chosen path would be to serve rather than be served.

I wonder how much of this great pageantry will be retained by the time the next monarch is crowned? The world is changing at such a rapid pace it is hard to see how so much of the coronation ceremony will feel relevant in the future, and it seems as if the new heir to the throne is already contemplating how things may adapt for when his time comes.

Meanwhile, at a more everyday level, things are changing already when it comes to weddings. So much ceremony has already been dispensed with, in terms of content and language around the wedding itself. So much variety and diversity in how couples marry and celebrate – it is a joy to see!

The latest suggestion is that the age-old custom of asking the father of the bride or the hand in marriage of his daughter is no longer necessary; it has become out-dated and is being eschewed, in favour of a much more low-key acknowledgement from the wider family, that a couple have decided to formalise their relationship, and do so with its blessing.

Historically, the custom of asking for the hand in marriage of the daughter by the suitor, was tied up with the tradition of a bride being part of a financial transaction, whereby she brought a sum of money to the union in the form of a dowry or marriage settlement. She was no more than a chattel or bargaining chip in a strategic game of power and influence, and as soon as she married she surrendered her financial independence to her husband and probably died in childbirth shortly afterwards! So the tradition of asking for the hand in marriage seems anachronistic today, when both people will generally be working, and the wedding is not so often financed exclusively by the bride’s family any more.

I would go further, and say that it is no longer the exclusive prerogative of the bridegroom to propose either! In this era of equality, the idea that the man should get the ball rolling also feels out of date and not so much of our time.

How many other halves who may have been quietly biding their time and biting their tongue with no certainty that the question will ever be popped, especially if they are already living together, might feel emboldened to take the initiative, given half a chance! Go for it!! You need to seize the day – it’s yours too!!